The easiest way to have GOOD sex
We have been getting messages about what sex should and shouldn’t be since we were old enough to know the word. Sex is usually portrayed as a performance. There are unspoken expectations, a pressure to "get it right," and a focus on achieving some kind of grand finale. But what if we shifted that perspective? What if we started treating sex less like a race we had to win and more like a joyful romp on the playground?
Think about it. What makes play so enjoyable? It's the freedom to explore, the lack of rigid rules, the laughter, the spontaneity, and the sheer delight in the moment. There's no right or wrong way to swing on the swings or build a sandcastle. The goal isn't perfection; it's fun and connection.
Now, imagine bringing that same energy into the bedroom. Instead of worrying about hitting all the right notes or following a prescribed script, what if we focused on:
Exploration and Curiosity: Just like discovering a new craft, sex as play encourages us to explore our bodies and our partner's with open curiosity. What feels good? What's exciting? There's no pressure to know all the answers; the joy lies in the discovery.
Laughter and Lightness: Playfulness brings a lightness to intimacy. It allows for silly moments, inside jokes, and the freedom to not take everything so seriously. A misplaced touch or a funny sound can become a source of shared laughter, deepening connection instead of causing awkwardness.
Focus on Connection, Not Climax: When sex becomes a performance, the focus often shifts to the "end goal." But play is about the journey. Embracing a playful approach allows us to prioritize the connection, the shared sensations, and the intimacy, regardless of whether an orgasm is reached.
Letting Go of Expectations: Performances come with expectations – of ourselves and our partners. Play, on the other hand, is about being present in the moment without rigid demands. This freedom can alleviate anxiety and allow for more authentic and enjoyable experiences.
Communication as Collaboration: On the playground, kids communicate their needs and desires openly ("Can we try going down the slide backwards?"). Treating sex as play encourages this same open and honest communication. It becomes a collaborative exploration where both partners feel comfortable expressing what they like, don't like, and want to try.
Shifting from a performance mindset to a playful one isn't about abandoning passion or intensity. In fact, it can amplify those feelings by removing the pressure and allowing for more genuine expression. It's about creating a space where vulnerability is welcomed, mistakes are okay, and the ultimate goal is shared joy and connection.
So, ditch the script. Forget about doing it “right”. Instead, invite your partner (and yourself) to the playground of pleasure. Embrace the exploration, the laughter, and the sheer fun of being intimately connected. You might just find that the most satisfying experiences are the ones where you're simply playing together.
