Beyond the Bedroom: Is Low Libido a Hormone Hustle or Your Inner Voice? (Midlife Women, This One's For You!)
Ever found yourself staring at the ceiling at 3 AM (yes, always!), wondering, "Why don't I want sex anymore? Is it my hormones, or is there something wrong with me?" If you're a midlife woman, you're not alone. This is hands-down one of the most common questions I hear not just in my self-intimacy coaching practice, but in all my group chats.
It’s easy to immediately point the finger at our hormones—and believe me, they play a massive role! But the truth is, unlocking the mystery of your desire often requires a deeper dive than just a blood test.
The Hormone Hustle: Estrogen, Testosterone & Beyond
Let's talk hormones first, because yes, they are powerful.
Estrogen: As you transition through perimenopause and into menopause, your estrogen levels fluctuate and eventually decline significantly. This drop isn't just about hot flashes; it can directly impact vaginal lubrication and elasticity, making sex uncomfortable or even painful. When sex is painful, your brain naturally starts to associate it with an unpleasant experience, dampening desire.
Testosterone: Often thought of as a "male" hormone, testosterone is crucial for female libido, energy, and overall vitality. While not all women experience a dramatic drop, some do, and this can be a key player in a disappearing sex drive. You might also notice a dip in energy or muscle mass.
Other Players: Thyroid hormones, cortisol (your stress hormone), and even dopamine (the "feel-good" neurotransmitter) all have a part in your sexual wellness orchestra. A symphony out of tune can affect your desire. Plus if you’re on antidepressants or other mental health meds like I am, this throws yet another factor into the mix.
But What if it's "Just You"? (Spoiler: It's Never Just You)
This is where the self-intimacy coaching comes in. While hormones set the stage, your internal world writes the play. When you ask, "Is it just me?" what you're often really asking is:
"Am I broken?"
"Am I still desirable?"
"Is my relationship okay?"
"Am I burnt out?"
My answer? You are absolutely not broken. No, not even YOU. Your body and mind are sending you vital information. Low libido can be a whisper (or a shout!) from your inner self, saying:
"I need more rest."
"I need more joy that isn't tied to others."
"I need to feel seen, heard, and appreciated in my relationships."
"I need to reconnect with my own identity and sensuality, independent of a partner."
Your Next Empowered Step
Doctor Visit: Talk to a healthcare provider specializing in women's health or functional medicine. Discuss your symptoms openly and ask about hormone testing (estrogen, testosterone, thyroid).
Important note: If sex HURTS or if you find yourself peeing every time you sneeze, go see a Pelvic Floor PT ASAP! In a few sessions they can completely change your life. (If you live in NYC/Northern NJ, reach out- I have recommendations!)Self-Inquiry: Grab a journal. What lights you up outside of sexual intimacy? When do you feel most vibrant? What unspoken needs might your body be communicating?
Prioritize Pleasure (Non-Sexual!): Rediscover what feels good in your body. A long bath, a walk in nature, dancing to your favorite music. Reconnecting with your own sensual self is the first step toward rekindling desire. If you’ve been shutting down your desire and interest in the bedroom (consciously or subconsciously) chances are you’re doing it in other areas of your life.
Remember, your libido is a dynamic reflection of your overall well-being—physical, emotional, and relational. Understanding its language is a powerful act of self-intimacy.
Ready to explore your unique journey? Want me to tell you to your face that you aren’t the broken one? Let's connect.
